Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Hardest Lesson I've Learned

Well, time for one negative entry about my experience here. I had to learn a tough lesson: long distance relationships are 10,000 times more difficult that you could imagine.

Before coming here I was living with the man I had been dating for just over two years. We were very happy. We had a great apartment, an awesome cat, and very few problems. However, I had my master's in education and was working as a baker. I loved being a baker, it was an incredible experience, but I could feel that something was missing in my life. Then, as you all know, I made the major decision that I needed to give myself a kick in the ass to get me started teaching again.

After I came to the decision that I was going to move to Korea the conversation with him was... difficult. There was no argument, but there was a lot of "what will we do, what does this mean for us, how will we get through this." We were both concerned but he understood that this was something I was 100% positive that I needed to do. After that we discussed how we were going to cope with the distance. We made plans to have a Skype date every week for two hours as well as plans for him to visit me in May.

But... as soon as I got here things began to fall apart. We were a very tight couple and very much in love, but life just suddenly got in the way. Communication became difficult and strained. I am not too proud to say that this was mostly my fault. Korea consumed me entirely, and I was too happy to think of the one part of me that was missing. Days would go by without us talking to each other and I wouldn't give it a second thought. I did miss him. I did love him. But I loved Korea more.

I am ashamed to say that the attentions of other men also made the situation more difficult. When you are happy you are just instantly more attractive, and man oh man am I happy. I was flirted with more than i ever have been in my life in just the first month here.

So, eventually, after allowing it to go on longer than was probably healthy, Andy and I decided to split up. We both saw it coming and it was as mutual as I think it could have been.

The lesson here was that, if you are moving away from someone, no matter who that is, your relationship is going to be strained. I'm not saying long distance relationships are impossible or that I do not recommend them. This is more of a personal lesson than one I feel you should follow. I still don't know the full conclusion of what this experience has taught me, but trust me, it's all for the better.


  1. So the hardest lesson you've learned is that long distance relationships are difficult? You know what's more difficult? Finding someone who sees your beauty and potential and loves you wholeheartedly before you see those things in yourself. And you let that go because strange men flirt with you in a strange land. That's so sad.

  2. I'm also thinking about going to Korea. I'm an Anthropology Major and Korea is somewhere that I love and have loved since I started dating my ex who was Korean. I understand what happened because long distance does take a toll on things, I know this because I've had 3 and each time they are harder and harder and to the person who commented earlier ^^ it's not that you're just splitting up because some other guys are flirting with you, as you go down a different road than you other person things change and feelings pass and it's hard to strive for a healthy relationship when you're doing different things and have different goals. There will always be someone else who will love you wholeheartedly, it sucks that the person who left a comment earlier probably didn't see things from both sides of the story. They've probably never been in a long distance relationship, shit happens and this is something you needed to do, it sucks for both involved because of the pain, but it's the way of life.