Survival Tip: Reverse Culture Shock

Merry Christmas to you and yours from the Professional Waygookin!

I only had to spend one Christmas away from my family since moving to Korea. It was my first Christmas and it sucked, seeing as it was also my first Christmas EVER being away from my family. The second Christmas I surprised my family, but I'm totally never doing that again. I think that, as a result, my family expects me to spontaneously appear at all family gatherings.

One of the big things about returning to your home country is reverse culture shock. I've spoken about this before, but it merits revisiting. This is VERY REAL and can be slightly more jarring than your actual culture shock in your adopted country. The main reason why it's more jarring is that you feel like it totally shouldn't be happening! This is supposed to be "normal," but now it's completely abnormal! It leaves you questioning everything as you attempt to adjust to this "new new normal."

So here they are:

Top Ten Symptoms of Reverse Culture Shock

1) Being shocked that people in retail and food service all speak English FLUENTLY!

The entire time I've been home I've found myself full of my regular "service industry" anxiety and prepping my Korean vocabulary before interaction occurs. It typically goes something like this:

Me: (thinking) Ok, I want to order a bacon cheeseburger... how do I say that in Konglish? Okokok, 베이컨 치즈 버거, ok, now, how am I going to add fries and a drink onto that...

Employee: Hey, what can I get for you?

Me: 안녕하... I mean... uhhh could I... 한... one bacon cheese burger 주새요... I mean... please

Employee: (looking at me like  have "special needs") Uhh... ok...

After this I walk away like...

I'M INCAPABLE OF SPEAKING IN ANY LANGUAGE!!!

2) Remembering why downloading TV shows and movies is far superior

I mean, seriously, why is there nothing on TV? And how am I expected to jump into the middle of a season of ANYTHING and understand what the crap is happening? And why do I now HAVE TO understand what's happening in the commercials? Really, it's so much more fun when I have to guess what it's for until they show the logo. 

Wait, what does all that slow-mo of kangaroos jumping have to do with laundry soap?!

3) Your digestive system can no longer handle 3-square meals of you native cuisine

I haven't had this bad of gas since... the last time I had to experience 3-square of a new cuisine... oh wow, is this going to happen every time?!

4) Converting the prices of everything into the currency of your adopted country

Ok, so Korean Won is kind of cheating, since typically 10,000won is approximately $10, but it's obnoxious when you're dealing in higher amounts.

Your face, when drunk and looking into your wallet and seeing your adopted and native currencies, but unable to precisely recall which country you are in.

5) Trying desperately to not sound stuck-up or condescending when speaking about life in your adopted country or your travels

Back in your adopted country, the phrase "Oh, I had a long weekend, so I just popped over to Hong Kong" will typically elicit nods of understanding or recounts of their own four days in Thailand/Japan/China/Singapore. In your home country, your third story taking place in any other country will be met with...

Be kind to your homies, they may not have the wanderlust you do, or they do and do not have the meas with which to scratch their itch. It's best to tread lightly... but come on, they totally need to hear that story about the Chinese woman being chased by a monkey in Vietnam.

6) Access to once impossible-to-find foods is now shockingly possible, and you either gorge yourself on them or wonder why you ever missed them in the first place

After one week, this becomes "where's the kimbop?!?!"

In Korea... If I don't have a decent cup of drip coffee soon I'm going to STAB SOMEONE IN THE GALLBLADDER  WITH A CHOPSTICK!!!
In America... I miss iced Americanos...

7) Your family/friends will definitely get irritated at how often you slip into the language of your adopted country when responding to simple questions/ talking to yourself

I'm not lying to you, this conversation legit occurred the other night:

Father: Maggie, are you going to come with me to choir rehearsal?
Me: 네 아빠
Father: See, I told you she wasn't going to want to!
Me: Dad... 네 means "yes"
Father: Oh... well... we're leaving in 15 minutes... speak English!

Those of us in the expat community will typically respond to each other's questions using the language of our adapted country, as a means of practice. With me, at least, it's the same when I'm talking to myself. This becomes slightly stranger when no one around you understands a single word of what you're saying.

And, worst of all, your Korean knowledge most of the time is like...

Uhhhh... add 이요 at the end... that makes it Korean, right?

But when you have no use for it, it's all...

YOU NOW SPEAK 30X MORE KOREAN THAN EVER!!!

8) You'll be desperate to try and share the food/culture of your adopted country to bored friends/relatives all the time screaming in your head "PLEASE SOMEHOW MAGICALLY UNDERSTAND HOW AMAZING THIS IS!!!"

Our new Boxing Day tradition is a Korean feast. They also receive all Korean themed Christmas presents. I will typically also blast Korean music and forward people Korea-related articles. This is all in attempt to make them see why I've chosen to live there. The thing you'll need to eventually accept is that this attempt is futile unless you can convince any of these people to visit or move there. No one outside of your adopted country or culture will ever appreciate it or understand it the way you do.

WHY CAN'T YOU VIEW G DRAGON AS THE MALE VERSION OF LADY GAGA THAT HE TRULY IS?!?!

9) You have lost all ability to have conversations with people you have literally NOTHING in common with.

There was a man sitting next to me on my flight from Tokyo to Detroit with who I had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common with. He had been visiting Japan for the first time on business, lived in Kentucky, and wanted to tell me about his plans to build an extremely handicapped-accessible house "just in case (he) ever winds up in a wheelchair." I've never been to Kentucky except to drive through it; have no interest in building a house, let alone a handicap-accessible one; and the city he had been visiting in Japan wasn't even one I'd been to! However, he was determined to talk to me, while I attempted to not roll my eyes in boredom.

In your adopted country, you instantly have something in common with anyone you meet who can speak your language, whether native or fellow foreigner. With natives, you can exchange ideas about your cultures or ask each other questions about your homelands. With other foreigners... well... you're both foreigners... so you have SOMETHING to talk about. You've become used to this, so it's going to be hard to re-adjust to pleasantries with strangers.

10) It will be really strange how quickly you default to past habits and roles

You'll be shocked how, in your childhood home, you revert to childhood roles. When I was visiting family in Boston, I was fairly similar to who I am in Seoul, but once back in Maine it was time for pjs... pjs all the freaking time, overeating, TV binging while not actually paying attention but actually surfing the or reading, and being mentally off-balance due to spending entirely too much time inside my own brain. I love my family to death, but man do I miss being busy with my life in Seoul.

Survival Tip: Korean Winters

So, in case you didn't know, the winters in Korea are FREAKING COLD!!!

Visual Approximations:

Yes, you may have come from a place with a cold climate before, but there's little to prepare you for living in a city this cold where you will also rely heavily on public transportation or your own two feet. I was born in Vermont and raised in Maine and my childhood was spent in wonderfully warm cars  and rarely involved any walking in the winter longer than about 10 minutes. Any significant winters outdoors time was spent in such a fervor of activity that a white-wash was actually a welcome thing.

If when I say "white wash" you think of anything other than snow shoved in your face or down your pants you clearly didn't grow up in a cold climate.

Last week saw the breaking of a most unfortunate record; coldest day since 1956. The temperature dropped down to -21.7C (-7.1F). That's pretty DAMN cold! The winters have been getting colder every year and the summers have been getting hotter, so Korea's a pretty weird place to maintain a wardrobe.

Stolen from Wikipedia, because making tables is a job better left to people who don't hear the sound of a dental drill at the words "making tables.:

So, here are some handy-dandy tips to making the cold just a tiny bit more bearable.

Tip 1: Layers... LOTS of Layers!

The answer is, if you are living in Seoul in the winter... YES

Layering is the ultimate defense against cold weather. On the coldest days last week my office, in their infinite wisdom, decided not to turn all of the heating on. The building was roughly 5 degrees warmer than outside and my office was maybe 15 degrees warmer, it was terrible. I was wearing long underwear, stockings, leggings, a pair of thicker LLBean leggings, a wool skirt, long underwear shirt, a thick long-sleeve shirt, a thick sweater, and a scarf and I still wasn't warm enough in my office to get any work done. Layers are magic because you can easily adjust for whatever temperatures the day throws at you. Don't forget to layer your socks, though, because having cold feet is an easy way to ensure the rest of you feels cold as well.

The best clothing products for keeping warm in Korea I've found are the UNIQLO HeatTech line of long underwear. They feel really thin and flimsy but keep you a LOT warmer than you'd expect. They're also so thin that they easily slide under clothes without looking bulky, which was my major issue with my long underwear last year. Korean's also LOVE super long and thick scarfs and these babies do WONDERS! Just try not to leave yours in a Soju Tent one super drunken night last last December... not that I ever did that.

Tip 2: Surviving Korean "Heating" Techniques

Here's one of the roughest lessons you'll learn your first year in Korea: Koreans don't really like heating places and, when they do, they have weeeeiiirrrddd ways of going about it. If you work in a school the following completely fucked situations will most likely occur:

1) The heat will be on full-blast... but some of the windows will be open.

2) The classroom heaters will be on full-blast... but all the windows and outside doors in the hallways will be open.

3) Your students, while still wearing their enormous NorthFace jackets and scarves, will ask you to turn the heat down.

4) As soon as the temperature in your office becomes bearable the head teacher in the room will turn off the heat and open the windows

You see, Koreans have the... unexplainable phobia of "stale air." They think that not airing out a room once every few hours will kill you. Not make you sick, KILL YOU. They feel especially negatively towards heaters and fans. Air conditioners are OK, but fans, well, they have a concept called "Fan Death" where sleeping in a room with the doors and windows shut will literally kill you because eventually the room will only have CO2 in it... yeah. Heated air makes Koreans uncomfortable, dries out their skin, smells bad, is difficult to breathe BLAH BLAH BLAH. I mean, honestly... why do I even bother putting on a cute outfit in the winter?!

The best way to deal with this insanity is to be prepared. Daiso and other dollar stores around the city sell small fleece blankets that easily fit into a desk drawer... buy 5 of these. I keep slippers in my office now because my feet have a tendency to turn ice cold (slippers and slipper socks are also very easy items to buy in dollar stores, street vendors, and in HomePlus/GMart). Get used to the taste of crappy Korean mix coffee or invest in a FrenchPress for your desk, because it's the easiest and cheapest way to heat your innards. Recognize early that the mere fact that you are going inside does NOT mean you will be warmer. Korean coffee shops and restaurants have also not mastered the fine art of "making it warm enough to be comfortable."

Korean apartments are mostly heater by ondol heating, or floor heating. This stuff is magic once it' humming away. If your feet are warm your entire body feels much warmer. However, ondol takes a LONG time to heat the air, approximately an hour or two hours. The issue I've had with ondol, other than it being slow, is that it tends to super heat the air. It's difficult to find the temperature that will heat your apartment to and maintain a comfortable temperature.

EXPERT LEVEL TIP: If your ondol has a "외출" setting, USE IT! This circulates your heating to on/off every few hours. This is REALLY important if you go out of town during the winter. Some of my friends have had their pipes freeze while they were one and that is one of the least awesome of sauces.

Tip 3: Recognize Your Apartment's Weaknesses

The bad ju-ju carries over from the office to the apartment, sadly. Though my current apartment (in a new villa-style home with concrete walls and double-layered windows) has done an excellent job keeping in the heat, my apartment last year was TERRIBLE! I mean, the apartment was super awesome in every aspect that wasn't keeping it warm in the winter and cold in the summer. I had massive floor to ceiling windows along one wall. One window was the mandatory emergency exit that all apartments in Seoul have (though I don't see how a 4' squared pane of glass falling from 10 stories up is going to do to help anyone) and that window, my friends, let in a HUGE draft. Seriously, it felt like a light breeze. Some of my other friends live in older buildings which are poorly insulated because people in the past were idiots. Some of my friends in officetels are fine, but not all, so it's necessary to take precautions.

Draft-proof any seams with insulating foam. You can get it at any hardware store and I've seen it at dollar stores as well. This won't stop the draft, but it will certainly help. You can also put foil up on your windows, if you don't mind being kind ghetto about keeping the heat in. The two best weapons against the cold are either a heater blanket or a heating pad for you bed (available in HomePlus/GMart and on GMarket) . These things are MAGIC. I've been sleeping with only the same blanket I used in summer and have been perfectly comfortable, even too hot, with the heating pad.

Some of my friends have space heaters. I have one, but I've never used it. I'd recommend these, however, if you have a bigger apartment and want to heat only your bedroom. If my apartment were just a little bit bigger I'd probably use the space heater.

Tip 4: Surviving Korean Snow Clean-Up "Techniques"

By first recognizing that there really are none.

MUAHAHAHAHA

Seriously, I've never seen a snow plow, and we've had three pretty significant snowfalls this winter. Salting sidewalks is also something Koreans don't do. Only building owners or business people will sal the sidewalk and even then not all of them do it. Koreans also think that the best way to get rid of snow is by... sweeping it. No shovels... plastic brooms... whatever. As a result of this non-technique for making roads and sidewalks safer as soon as the Sun hits that snow and a few people walking on it compresses it all of Seoul turns into a fucking iceskating rink (sorry for using the f-bomb twice, but this topic infuriates me to no end). I fell three weeks ago and bruised my tailbone pretty badly. Don't wear cute shoes, wear the shoes with the most traction possible. Don't take normal steps, take baby steps, walk on the roughest patch of ground you can find. Be Safe!

Tip 5: Warm Havens

There are some ways that you can beat the cold. The best place is a jimjilbang. I'm not going to say any more about it here because there's a better place you can go to learn allll about it.

Another very good way is to get a gym membership. Yeah, you'll work up a sweat and also get hot and bothered looking at all the delicious Korean Man Candy.

Yes, please, thank you

But also gym showers are AMAZINGLY WARM and have awesome water pressure! I found a gym with western-style showers (some have communal ones... ew) and a lot of good looking guys, I love going to the gym. ^_^

Stay warm, folks!

Survival Tip: Shopping in Korea (Clothes)

So you're here, you're settled, and you've come to the realization that you cannot survive on what you brought from home, no matter how appetizing your socks may appear. That's right, it's time to go SHOPPING!

Today I'm going to go over the three types of shopping you're going to have to do in Korea. I'm going to start with the stuff everyone needs to know (even tourists) and move on to the more day-to-day things needed for life as an expat. So, let's begin with my most hated adventure...

Shopping for Clothes/ Accessories

The reason I HATE shopping for clothes is that, until recently, I didn't even fit into a Korean XL (an American L) and most stores don't carry anything over L (American M) and, because of the shape of my body (hourglass with a much larger rack than your average Korean, most Korean women are pear-shaped or stick figures). As such, most things I tried on were all...

And the things that did fit me were like...

BUT, there are places to find clothes in Korea to fit any size (Koreans come in all shapes and sizes, don'tchaknow). You just need to look a little harder and travel a little further to get things in special sizes. Lets start with the easy stuff, though and talk about the general clothes shopping districts in Seoul:

Dondaemun

Dongdaemun (located on lines 4, 1, 2, and 5, this place be BIG, yo!) is essentially the Korean clothing Mecca. There are an INSANE number of stores in this area. So many that most of them aren't in actual shops. Most of the stores in Dongdaemun are inside these massive warehouses where clothing vendors set up booths to hock their wears (see what I did there? ^_^ ). You can get clothes in ANY price range. For cheaper goods, go into the generic "Clothing Market" warehouses. Most of them are pretty clearly labeled. In these cheaper places you can haggle to your heart's content and, if you find something you like, chances are there are at least three other vendors (if not 15) selling the same thing, so you can wander around looking for the best price. Dongdaemun is also THE best place to get your accessorizing on. There are a crazy number of absolutely freaking adorable accessory and purse vendors, there's really no better place to go in Seoul.

Insider tip: If you ask a vendor for a price ("ii-ge ol-ma-ye-yoh" or "이게 얼마예요?") and then go to his neighbor and ask for the price on the same product he'll normally quote you less. Sometimes if you go back to the first guy after that he'll offer you a discount. If you want to just straight up ask for a reduction in price say "kka-kka joo-sae-yoh" or "깎아 주세요" which means "discount, please" and they'll normally quote you a lower price.

For middle to higher-end goods I suggest getting completely lost inside of the Miglione or Doota warehouses. These are set up slightly more like department stores, so I wouldn't recommend asking for a discount. I know the Doota has a "Big Size" ("빅 사이즈," literally "big sah-ii-jeu") department. I haven't browsed it yet, but I think it'd be a good place to start if you're looking to fully embrace Korean fashion as a fuller sized woman.

Apgujeong/Sinsa (Shinsa)

If you are read to be all...

Then look no further than this area of excess south of the Han River. Apgujeong and Sinsa (pronounced "Shinsa") are both on subway line 3 and are considered part of the Gangnam borough of Seoul.

DID SOMEONE SAY GANGNAM??!?!?!

Apgujeong and Sinsa are, to me, pretty interchangeable, seeing as they're right freaking next to each other. The only real difference I've seen is that Apgujeong has more super high-end department stores (or just really big versions of high-end stores) and the stores in Sinsa are smaller... really the only difference. I, personally  prefer Sinsa because it has more boutique-y style stores and a LOT of very nice cafes (Koreans gotta get their coffee on). Apgujeong has a lot of very nice restaurants, though. I think Sinsa might be more manageable on a smaller budget. And OH MY GOD THEY HAVE A FOSSIL as well as a few other more hard-to-find international brand stores (random side note: there's totally a Yankee Candle store at Hak-dong Station, line 7, still in Gangnam).

Seriously, though, these places are DAMN EXPENSIVE. Don't believe me? Look at this:

Members of the big KPop band INFINITE looking insanely sexy while shopping at a department store in Apgujeong

Acting heavyweight Hyun Bin browsing in Apgujeong

Jessica Alba and Korean rappers Mighty Mouth before going to a club in Hak-Dong (Gangnam)

I wouldn't recommend trying to find big-size clothing in these areas. Most stores are designer and, ya know, designers dislike making big size clothes no matter what country they're in.

Myeongdong

Me in awe of how amazing Myeongdong is

Myeongdong (line 4) is, for me, where it's at. There are two H&Ms, an American Apparel, a Forever21, a Gap, an ENORMOUS Uniqlo (the Korean version of H&M), hundreds of make-up shops, a few cute boutiques, some pretty good restaurants, and a few very nice cafes (one where you get cake FREE with your coffee!). This is also the spot to go if you want the ultimate "Lost In Neon" Asian experience. This place is lit up, every store is blaring music, and every cosmetics shop is begging you to come in and buy stuff (hint: go in, take the basket, take out the free samples, and leave, they seriously won't mind).

The atmosphere in Myeongdong is effing CRAZY! The shopping center is a series of pedestrian streets with vendors selling accessories, clothes, and food, making the already people-filled avenues even more crowded. This is THE shopping center of Seoul so it's FILLED with Koreans and foreigners alike. It's a really uniquely Korean experience.

Myeongdong also has some very awesome Christmas light displays this time of year, and I'll take my Christmas cheer anywhere I can get it in Korea!

I know that H&M, American Apparel, and Forever21 carry the same sizes that they carry in the States. I've been told that MIXXO and ZARA have bigger sizes, but I haven't felt confident enough to check them out. The largest any of these places sell is XL, so if you are bigger than that I'd really suggest...

Itaewon

If you are a bigger size Itaewon (line 6) is really the only place for you outside of having clothes tailored (but it's also a really good pace to have things tailor-made). Itaewon is, as I have said before a few times, the foreigner district of Seoul. In Itaewon you can find clothes in any size and in any style. Sadly, ladies, it appears to be marketed more towards men. The chain shoe stores (ABC Mart, Nike, New Balance) normally still only offer the typical Korean women's shoe sizes while offering up to "Shaq Size" in mens shoes, but you can find some nicer shoes here in your size (places like Aldo and the shoe boutiques along the street). Itaewon is also a good place to go for your typical kitschy Korean souvenirs. But more on where to shop for that stuff later.

So there you have it, a semi-comprehensive guide to the major clothes shopping areas in Seoul. If there's anything I've missed, please feel free to write about it in the comments section and I'll include it in my next post on shopping (which I plan to have focus on buying general household goods and souvenirs/gifts).

Until then... shop on!

Survival Tip: Short Term Solutions to Culture Shock

So you've moved to a new country. Chances are you have reacted to said enormous, life-altering, self-uprooting event in one of two ways:

1) You are excited and running around like a child who has just learned how to walk and explore

2) You are so deep in culture shock and missing your life back home that you can barely move and spend about 90% of your life either Skyping people back home or as such...

Have no fear, someone who has totally been in both positions is here!

Yeah, if you are in either position you actually have some problems. Let's start with group 2, because the people in group 1 have run off to try that kimbop store next to their apartment building but totally swear they're going to read this later.

Hold onto your sad-sack, and that is to say, hold onto yourself, because it's gonna get listy up in here!

4 Short-Term Solutions to Negative Culture Shock

NOTICE! These are short-term solutions meant to put a band-aid on something that actually needs stitches. For long-term solutions, please see my entry on surviving culture shock here.

1) Facebook

Chances are you've already discovered this, but it's worth pointing out. The vast majority of Korean expats, especially teachers, are constantly on Facebook checking up with not just the people back home, but with the others in Korea. This is a nice outlet for your culture shock because it can take care of your nostalgia for home while also giving your some great ideas for things to do in your new country. I can't tell you how many of my adventures have started with my friends posting a picture of something and me saying "that looks awesome, I want to go to there!"And, let me tell you, "I want to go to there" is the most IMPORTANT sentence you can utter when trying to get rid of those cultrure shock blues, but more on that later.

2) Foreigner Areas

Every foreigner in Seoul, and possibly most of those throughout Korea, knows about Itaewon. If you are experiencing negative culture shock and don't know about Itaewon, well... you're welcome, because I'm gonna turn that frown upside down!

Itaewon is, as I am pretty sure I have said before, the district where the foreigner community has take over. You can find anything from a British owned and operated pub, to a totally legit Iranian curry place. The bars are all western style, which means no having to order food to drink and they sell more than just beer, makgeolli, and soju! There are some awesome brunch places, and every nationality can find a bar that caters towards their needs. My Kiwi friends have a New Zealand rugby bar, my South African friends have a few places scattered about, the Canadians have a hockey-tastic all-wood place where they can hang, and, well, Americans are spoiled for choice.

The reaction of most Americans when they see the Taco Bell in Itaewon

Itaewon isn't the only area that strives to make a foreigner feel at home, though. There's a pretty huge Russian and Indian population in Dongdaemun and any foreigner with money can pay to make Gangnam feel like a second home. Most of the draw for these areas have one very specific thing luring foreigners there: they speak the same language as you! Almost every street vendor in Itaewon speaks at least basic English and everyone in Gangnam has had intense English classes since they were 5. So hole up for a while until you feel ready to emerge like the glorious expat butterfly you are!

3) Foreigner Friends

Seriously, you anti-social thing, make some friends! No one back home knows what you're truly going through, no matter how hard you try to explain it. Think about it. Think about what you pictured Korea would be before you came here:

Chances are the pictures of the Korean War from your high school textbook and "Gangnam Style" are the only things you had seen of the Korean landscape.

And then realize what you have found to be the truth:

THE most technologically advanced city in the world.

DELICIOUS Korean food!

A beautiful and rich history

So, really, you're kidding yourself if you every think "my friends back home are the only people who truly understand me," because it is absolutely no longer true. They have not experienced what is now defined as one of the biggest and most difficult decisions and times of your life. You know who REALLY understands you like no other? OTHER EXPATS! You know who is just as anxious to find new friends as you? OTHER EXPATS!

Just get yourself out there. Go to a bar, go to a museum, go to a clubby area, join a group, find a hobby and a group of people interested in siad hobby. PUT.YOUR.SELF.OUT.THERE. I've said it so many times, I'm really hurt that you haven't been listening!

The best part about expat friends is complaining. Dear GOD does it feel good to commiserate with a group of expats when life abroad is really getting you down. Gripe about your coteachers, gipe about the cost of western-style food, gripe about the exchange rate, gripe about Korean ANYTHING (especially ajummas, ajusshis, and those who have some deep fascination with the fact that you, as a non-Korean, exist) and most expats will not only listen to you until the cows come home, but will have their own horror stories that will make your head spin. Don't get it twisted, I LOVE my life in Korea, but from time to time I just need to vent, just for a moment, about how Korea is NOT AMERICA and that's when my expat friends are there with a double Jameson on the rocks and a sympathetic ear.

Well hello, old friend.

4) One Word: Headphones

I have, after days of contemplation, come to the conclusion that roughly 60% of culture shock can be traced back to one source: you don't speak the language. The vast majority of expats who come to Korea know only the basic phrases or less. Most don't even know the alphabet. So your brain is just being assaulted at all hours of the day, in every corner of your life, with a constant feeling of "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME, WHY DID YOU BRING ME TO AN ALIEN PLANET WHERE I CAN'T EVEN READ THE MCDONALD'S MENU?!?!?" It gets to the point where you are so confused and so irritated that just leaving the house is a major ordeal because you are so terrified of just what amount of Korean might be standing between you and a delicious plate of dak galbi.

Dak Galbi with Ramen and Cheese: Destroying my diet willpower on an hourly basis

Or even worse... between you and paying your bills... *shudder*

How do you manage to put a bit of a buffer zone between you and all of this? Headphones, my friend, headphones.

By wearing headphones you are reminding yourself that there are people out there who speak the same language as you, easily, and who are happy to fill your ears with something that you actually understand. I find that this comes in the most handy at the supermarket. Why, you ask? Because this is what your typical Korean supermarket is doing 24 hours a day:

While you...

For some... unknown, illogical, stupid reason Koreans have decided that the #1 way to get anyone interested in the shit you're selling is to scream about what you're selling through a loudspeaker that is also blaring KPop tunes. They do this on the street as well but put about 20+ sales people in one enclosed, crowded smell buffet all screaming to buy some kind of... is that a beak?... will make you hate Korea's everything. This is still my biggest source of culture shock. It's so bad that I absolutely loathe going to the grocery store to this very day. The only way I can get through it? Headphones. The only way I can deal with the crowds on the buses and subways? Headphones. The only way I can handle sitting in a Korean waiting room for... anything? Headphones. Also, if you don't like KPop headphones will help you ignore it to a complete extent, otherwise you'll have a small knowledge of "oh yeah, that's the song that keeps blasting out of cell phone stores."

Ok, now that the sad people are feeling a little bit better about themselves, lets move on to the happy people.

3 Ways to Maintain Expat Joy

You don't know it yet, but this insane happy-train you've been riding on for the last month or so is going to eventually slow down from it's break-neck speed of mirth. As I've mentioned before, for my first approximately 6 months in Korea I was in a state of ecstasy. I had amazing friends and was having an amazing time doing amazing things.

Seriously, I'd just think about my life and I'd be all...

But sadly, culture shock hit me... it hit me like a ton of bricks with a 5kgs assed to my ass kicker.

Illustrated Above: Me every night of the week after I realized that, after 3 tries, I could normally get someone at the McDonald's delivery service who spoke enough English to bring me food.

Here are some things to help you put off the culture shock monster:

1) Keep Your Experiences Varied

I know, I know, for right now it seems like partying in Itaewon on Friday nights and Hongdae on Saturday nights is NEVER going to get old but... it does... it really does. You can always tell how long expats have been in Seoul by how they look in Hongdae Park. If they have been there for hours and still look like they are having the greatest time of their lives they've been here for 2 months, max. If they hang out for a while and then peace out to find something else to do: 4-6 months. If they stand around looking like they're having a shitty time but still not leaving: 8 months-1 year. If they come for a few minutes, have one drink, and leave: 1 year and upward. Seriously, bro, branch out!

Have nights where you visit the areas of the city where your friends live. Drink in a friend's apartment. Drink in a different park. Drink only in a restaurant for one night, that's what Koreans do and they get friendlier and friendlier as the night goes on (free booze and food!).

Just don't get stuck in a routine because, when you do, you'll eventually realize that your routine kinda sucks. That's what happened with me and trivia night... oh how I miss how much fun that used to be...

2) Explore More of the Country

GET OUT OF SEOUL! I know it's the greatest city in the world but GET OUT. Renting a hotel room or, if you really wanna do it right, a pension (like renting a condo), is the best way to snap yourself out of a rut before you've even realized it's started. You might not know this now but, outside of the big cities in Korea, many Koreans haven't seen a lot of foreigners. They will LOVE seeing you, it's like the circus coming to town. As long as you can embrace the fact that you are a unique presence you are guaranteed a good time. Also, seeing another area of the country can help you appreciate it from a new angle.

3) Choose Your Friends CAREFULLY!!!

Right now they seem perfect. You can all bitch about the same stuff and you've all had similar experiences. You can even teach each other some new things. However, you are looking at them through rose colored shades, and soon you will see the things about their personalities that really bother you. Whether it's the fact that she is kinda snobby because she's travelled more places than you, or that he's a bit of a dick because he has a higher education than you do, or that you will straight-up punch her if she complains about not wanting Korean food one more freaking time (YOU SERIOUSLY CANNOT HATE ALL OF IT!). You're going to realize it and the glass is going to shatter on your perception and ruin your relationship with that person and possibly with your mutual friends as well.

So yeah, if you start getting annoyed with someone just distance yourself from them. No one says you HAVE to talk to them if you're both out with a group of people. Also, please try to choose friends with at least slightly similar interests, or you'll wind up being dragged around on a bunch of "adventures" that you were never interested in having in the first place but will go on because you're afraid of losing one of the few people here that you actually talk to.

Anyway, sorry to burst your bubble, happy people, and I hope you feel better, depressed people. Just remember: find your bliss, but don't stay there too long!