Sunday, November 15, 2009


I really wish I knew who to blame for this film, the writer, the director, the cinematographer... Oh wait! The awful directing and the horrendous writing can actually be placed happily on the shoulders of one and a half men, Roland Emmerich and Harald Kloser (the same nauseating team to bring you the pile of waste that was 10,000 BC). That makes my job easier!

Emmerich has also been responsible for such "epic" films as 10,000 BC, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla and Independence Day (the only film on his record I can bring myself to watch) and he plays to his weaknesses: bigger than you can imagine special effects and an unappetizing aftertaste of something that doesn't deserve to be called a script, more like a jumble.

2012 bears so many resemblances to Emmerich's previous films that I don't even know where to begin. The president in 2012 is essentially a Black copy of Bill Pullman's president in Independence Day complete with telling the truth to the people and not taking the coward's way out. The earth-shattering special effects are the same as those in Day After Tomorrow only this time we aren't to blame, it's that crazy Sun and it's mutating neutrinos! I took two courses in Astronomy at UT and the only thing that has stuck with me is neutrinos and, ya know, they don't do anything scientists can see other than pass through everything without harming it.

The thing that has stuck in my craw the most is the fact that John Cusack's character and almost everything he touched (and cared greatly about, I should clarify) became indestructible to judgment day. Jumping his limo through collapsing buildings, outrunning a volcano, and being the worlds strongest man and saving part of what remains of civilization are just a few of his character's accomplishments.

As in most of Emmerich's films, it's all about the adrenalin. I will not deny that there were moments that I felt like I was on the world's most destructive roller coaster, but it was the sham of a plot and dialogue that made me vomit, not the twists and turns (and trust me, there are plenty). Oh, and watch out for the few visual "God has foresaken his children" references. Dean Semler (DOP for such marvelous films as I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Click, Bruce Almighty, and Nutty Professor II) needs to have all cameras taken away from him permanently

Hey, at least I didn't have to listen to a prehistoric man scream "Evolet" (10,000 BC) for 109 minutes this time. Instead I just enjoyed the visuals and prayed that none of the characters would open their gobs for 158 minutes... I really don't know which is worse...

Please, Hollywood, stop hiring Emmerich as a writer, it's only going to keep going down.


  1. I have two comments, in hyperlink form.

  2. Not to mention the totally bogus nature of the story's premis. But hey its obviously a work of stupifying fiction.