Thursday, May 23, 2013

You Know You're from Maine if...

1) You fully understand that this sandwich is called an "Italian"

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You also know that Amato's or your locally owned and operated convenience store makes these way better than anyone else.

2) You know where the paper mills are on any route  are located and can perfectly time holding your breath so you don't get a whiff of the stank.

You know you're from the Portland area (aka Portland and the 50 mile radius around Portland) if you thanked God when the Westbrook mill finally become non-stink.

3) Wicked: adj. When placed before any other adjective the latter adjective increases potency by 100%

More than once in your life you have uttered the phrases "wicked hahd," "wicked awesome," "wicked cunnin'," or "wicked pissah."

4) Even if you have left Maine, at least 25% of your wardrobe/accessories are still LL Bean.

It was just simply understood that everyone in your elementary/middle/high school had an LL Bean backpack and when you grew out of your LL Bean boots you just wore your older sibling's or your parents'.

5) You consider less than 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."

You also: Would get super pissed when you woke up to snow, but it wasn't stil snowing (because if it's not still snowing you will most likely have to go to school).

6) You could get in/out of this in under 1 minute

Playing in the snow meant: sweatshirt, sweatpants, wool socks, snowpants, scarf, hat, gloves/mittens, snowjacket. You also had mastered the fine art of zipping and buttoning a coat while wearing mittens. Even with all of this you STILL managed to get snow down the back of your pants!

7) Few words bring you more joy than "Nor'eastah"

For those of you who do not know: a nor'easter storm is when a storm coming up the east coast hits winds coming south from Canada and along the coastline and causes a storm to settle and spin over the northeastern US for a while
Nor'eastahs almost always mean a lot of fluffy snow and at least one day off from school.

8) You know that whoopie pies are the worlds greatest baked good.

You know you BEGGED your mom for a whoopie pie every time you went to Hannafuhd's... and on that note...

9) You have had more than one argument about whether Shaw's or Hannaford's is the better grocery store.

Going into the one your family didn't typically support always left you feeling kinda... not right. You might have even broken up with more than one significant other after finding out that they preferred Shaw's.... HANNAFUHD'S FOR LIFE!!!

10) You understand that Funnel Cakes are for people that can't handle the pure, unadulterated awesome that is Fried Dough

Load it up with powdered sugar and maple syrup (the real stuff, Aunt Jemima has no business in New England) and REFUSE to share.

11) You had at least one friend whose father owned a Sugar Shack or was a lobsterman/ lumberjack/ farmer/ park ranger.

And they ACTUALLY lived in a cabin in the woods.

12) You have extreme animosity towards Massholes and the Québécois ... and they TOTALLY DESERVE IT!

Car on the left: Typical Mainah vehicle. Car on the right: Fuckin' Masshole
You will, however, take the Quebecois for every cent they're worth and be a RABID fan of all Boston sports teams.

13) Your McDonald's serves Lobster Rolls and your school cafeteria serves Clam Chowder

Though you are wary of both.

14) You went to your brother's little league game in the summer and ate a Jordan's Red Hot with Humpty Dumpty Chips

Oh my God I can still taste that amazing bun and feel the snap of the hot dog skin!

15) You spent your summers "going up ta camp."

Your family either owned a lakeside house or rented a lakeside campsite every summer and, if they didn't, you would tagalong with your friends who did. This meant three things: barbecues, water skiing/tubing, and mosquitos.

16) You undahstand that the lettah "ahh" is not requiahed,

No mattah wheah you move tuh yohah always gonna wanna say it "lobstah," "cah," "bettah," an' "smaht" an' yohah gonna find yoahself sayin' "ayuh" way moah than ya thought ya evah did.

17) You know that Moxie cures what ails ya

I mean, if Teddy Ballpark loved it you should just shut up and drink it. 
At least one person in your family had an intense love for this misunderstood wonder drink.

18) You know to just give up on washing your car in the early summer

The combination of the sand still on the roads from winter and the massive amounts of pollen will make it the definition of a "fools errand." This is the price we pay for being the "Pine Tree State."

19) Stephen King is among that top 10 most important celebrities to you

You think his descriptions of the Maine landscape weren't creepy, but beautiful. You also remember how the state shut down when he was hit by a blue van and how car dealers couldn't get people to buy blue minivans for years afterward.

20) You read a LOT of Longfellow throughout school and still love all of his writing

"Resolve and thou art free."

21) You're seriously pulling for Anna Kendrick

Mainah: Born and raised!

22) The idea of going to an ice cream parlor between November and March just seems... odd

What... you mean Dairy Queen stays open ALL YEAR in your state?

23) You had never stepped foot in a WalMart/ Target/ BJs (we still don't have a Costco) until you were a teenager or older

It takes a loooonnnngggg time for national chains to make it to Maine.

24) Dead deer in your high school parking lot were pretty common

I mean, if you hit a deer with your truck on your way to school what are you supposed to do? Just leave it there?!

25) You used to skip school to go get a snack from Cumby's and then just kinda... drove around for a while.

Yeah, freaking REBELLIOUS!

26) You understand that Maine truly is "The Way Life Should Be"

1 comment:

  1. Ok, let it be known; I love this post and agree with close to all of it. However, if someone had ran a few "facts" by her brothers (either of them) I'm sure some errors could have been averted. First, and (her brothers would agree) most egregiously; Ted Williams' nickname was Teddy Ballgame or Teddy Baseball. I cringed when I read it. My Red Sox tattoo burned. Second; both of your brothers live in MA. Are we ALL Massholes? I find it ironic that, having come from a Hannaford family, the best grocery store, in my opinion, in our neighborhood north of Boston is a SHAW'S! And, finally; I do not think that whoopie pies are the greatest baked good, but I do love Moxie. Viva Vacationland!