Monday, November 5, 2012

Personal Entry: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

You may or may not have noticed that the posts have been few and far between as of late. This is because I've been INSANELY BUSY. Just, stupid busy, and a lot of that is due to men--

This one:
Don't let the cute smile fool you, his name is Rambo and he will bring the pain!
This one:
Ryan Goessl, director of the Camarata Music Company, and the one who makes sure that all of my "free time" is spent feeling bad about not studying my music more.
These task masters on top of my usual workload from KU has made every free moment a mad dash to do this:
Must... defeat... RSS feed!! OH GOD TUMBLR!
I haven't had much time for deep contemplation on important topics to your typical expat. I've also had very little free time to have long, intelligent conversations with other expats to inspire me to write new blogs. I have a good list of topics that I'd like to explore but... ya know... brain thinkin' is HARD!!!

What I look like during roughly 70% of the free minutes I have at my desk at work.
Part of my loves being busy, but part of me is struggling with some WEIRD AND INTENSE MENTAL ISSUES!

I recently was asked what my five year plan is. If you had asked me this questions about a year ago I would have laughed at you and described something that looks pretty much like this:

Translation: Being Awesome and Loving Life
But somehow from my mouth poured the following:

My plan is to continue working at Korea University
but next Fall I will attempt to either move into a credit-teaching postion there
or get a job working for a university in Seoul that offers 
a master's degree in TESOL
obtain a master's in TESOL
and then move to either America or England
to pursue my doctorate.

What the... when the.... WHERE THE HELL DID THIS ADULT COME FROM!?

How did I age and become boring so quickly?!
So somehow I have slowed myself down. My issue is... do I want to slow down? I mean, yeah, I've made a lot of super-adult decisions in about the past 6 months, most of them thanks to SeungHyun, but how much change am I actually ready for?

On those same lines, because of my personal trainer Rambo I have dropped roughly 14 pounds in the past two months. This sounds super awesome, and it is, except that I have been the same size since middle school (I'll be completely open: 186lbs) and have LLLLOOOOONNNNGGGG since accepted my body the way it is. The thinnest I have been since middle school was 170lbs. That was during my master's program where I was living through ABSOLUTE HELL (teaching in an inner city school where both my students and colleagues hated me while being told on a regular basis by my professors that maybe I didn't have what it took to be a teacher). My mind associates large amounts of weight loss not with happiness, but with the second most difficult experience of my entire life. My brain is currently panicing and attempting to sabotage my efforts because it doesn't want to relive that and before I know it my brain is just screaming:

Soooo yeah, I don't know how well the next two months with Rambo are going to go. 

And then there's choir. We have a big festival this weekend. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. I'll post about the weirdness that is being a choir nerd in Korea some time soon. Untile then, enjoy this picture of choir awesomeness and this video of my choir kicking some ass:

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